A Private Journal of Daishinkan Clarinet
- How to Educate a Divergent Youth; or, 51 Ways to Keep Trom in Line

1)Steal his swords and hide them in Hamel's underwear.
2)Let him know that the boogie man really is real, and he lives in Sforzendo, not Hameln.
3)Ok, this one is kinda mean, but conjure an illusion of his parents to let him know what a bad boy he's been.
4)*points* "Look! It's Guitar!"
5)Ship him BACK to Dal Segno.
6)Have Percuss do this *makes circle gesture with hand* -- it'll keep Trom entertained for hours >.>
7)Summon up Jerith, the Goblin King -- "I wish the goblins would come and take you away right now!!"
8)Slap him on the wrist next time he does this: "*Looks about for a hole or smething to pee through, but can find nothing* Damn >_, I hate not knowing"
9). . . Better yet, take a picture for blackmail.
10)Feed him blood pudding for dessert.
11)Leave him to piddeling magic.
12)Remind him that it takes more time to shout "Scissors Slash" than to shout "Tenrin."
13)Send Trom into a room where Hamel lies in wait for him armed with a wound up towel and a bag of rubber duckies. Then lock the door.
14)Force him to watch Sesame Street.
15)Hey, better yet, make sure that this week's show is brought to you by the letters "B" "D" and "E."
16)Give him cookies in which the chocolate chips have been replaced by Ex-lax. When he begins to double over in pain and wrought with several hours stuck on the toilet, let him know that it's God's way of punishing insolent children who mouth off to the High Priest.
17)Tip him headfirst into the Bog of Eternal Stench.
18)Take his war horse from him - instead, his faithful steed shall be a large shaggy dog. Or perhaps a dung beetle . . .
19)Hire Yuuki for a babysitter - she'll take him back to Hameln, where the skeletons will give him a full makeover.
20)Wait, why not have Access babysit him? Trom'll get a makeover without having to leave the confines of Sforzendo.
21)Tie him down to watch The Exorcist. "See Trom? It's a videotape of Coronet from 3 years ago >.>"
22)Put him on a 6 foot leash, and tie him outside 20 feet away from that store that sells Second Sforzendo War action figures.
23)Why not some good, traditional crazy fun? Let Hamel put Trom in the bunny girl outfit to DANCE!!
24)Tell Hi-no-tori-kun that what Trom really needs is a great big hug . . .
25). . .And then get the Valkyries to cheer him up afterwards.
26)Hand him over to all the little old obaa-chans who'll faun over how cute he is while pinching the hell out of his cheeks.
27)Bring out Olin.
28)Sneak up behind him and quietly utter in his ear - ALL YOUR BASS ARE BELONG TO US.
29))Throw him to a piss-ant drunk Hamel who's been drinking far too much Hameln-potency wine @.@
30)Hand Trom a candy jar filled with unlabeled warheads "Look! It's candy!" - then just sit back and watch.
31)Replace his swords with rubber ones - or large goofy hammers.
32)Once he falls asleep, let Hamel sneak into his room - Trom will wake up wearing a neon pink wig, bows, and bright pink finger/toenails. Hamel: Hell, why not a frilly dress while we're at it?
33)2nd punishment of God: All his clothing has mysteriously shrunk . . . (well, after having been thrown in the dryer on high for a while, but he doesn't need to know that)
34)Slap him in a Chinese finger trap.
35)3rd punishment of God: All the lefts in his sock drawer have somehow disappeared . . .
36)When it's time for bed, reassure him with all the lights dimmed, with one burning candle . . . and Clari's stern, intense eyes glaring icy death right into his from a distance of 2 inches . . . yes, everything will be alright . . . unless . . .
37)and him one of those slippery cylindrical toys and challenge him to keep hold of it.
38)Set a sabotaged Rubik's cube in front of him.
39)Every time he utters certain unfavorable commentary . . . subject him to nails across a blackboard.
40)If he still isn't convinced . . . the boogie man also has 4 foot long blond hair and isn't afraid to use fire and lightning.
41)Enough games - *thwap * time to break out the paddle.
42)Paralyze him while Barney-sing-along plays on repeat.
43)Next time he tries to verbally retaliate, remind him that he's only allowed 100 characters in which to do it.
44)Set him beneath a fountain shaped like Guitar's head and subject him to Chinese water torture.
45)Spike his milk with Vocal-brand - the kid'll pass right out.
46)Leave him to the castle seamstresses >.>
47)If he ever gets a pet frog, make sure it comes with a urinary problem.
48)If the paddle doesn't work, time to break out the belt. Vocal's belt.
49)Give him hard labor as the only kitchen wench/custodian on duty, while being observed by the High Priest (who's receiving a nice back massage from a servant girl to pass the time).
50)Sentence him to 1,000 spankings.
51)Give him an entourage of obnoxious minstrels who follow him everywhere he goes, singing jaunty ballads. (think Brave Sir Robin)
52)Throw that kid hard into a corner and stare him down - "Alright you little punk; listen up! You see this? *holds out staff* This - is my BOOMSTICK! It's a full steel, magically reinforced, holy staff, and that's right, this sweet baby is Sforzendo's top of the line! And you find this in the hands of the High Priest. I can summon massive explosions, blast sheer devastation, and just as easily hand out a beating. So keep your damn mouth shut. Because the next time you so much as breathe a word of insolence . . . HYAAAAAA~~*blasts out an entire wall* You got that?!"